Is achieving an orgasm difficult?
Back in the 1970s, renowned American sexologist Hite pointed out that nearly 70% of women could not achieve orgasm through vaginal intercourse, with some never experiencing it in their lifetime, nor understanding what an orgasm is. The Oxford Dictionary defines an orgasm as the swelling, wetness, excitement, and desire of a woman's genitals.
Dr. Kinsey, considered the father of American sexology, described an orgasm as the peak of sexual response, accumulating various tensions in nerves and muscles. NocFlor believes that an orgasm in sexual activity is the pleasurable feeling of physical and psychological tension followed by relaxation. Physiologically, a female orgasm involves increased blood pressure, body trembling, rapid breathing, flushing of the face and chest, vaginal contractions, or muscle spasms. Some even report a temporary 2-3 seconds of unconsciousness, unable to open their eyes, confirming the ancient saying, "desiring both life and death"!
Furthermore, experiencing sexuality is described as feeling like riding a roller coaster plunging down, a tickling sensation in the heart, and some imaginative women say: waiting for the orgasm feels like a surfer anticipating a big wave, like the cork of a champagne bottle about to pop, touching the heart suddenly... Blood rushing, the whole body numb and speechless, leaving an endless aftertaste, but sometimes this feeling is fleeting, indicating the elusive and indescribable nature of female orgasms.
Orgasms are generally categorized into clitoral and vaginal orgasms, requiring several conditions and facing many restrictions, such as sexual desire, level of sexual arousal, insufficient foreplay, and past negative sexual experiences. Added difficulties include issues with a partner's erection, premature ejaculation, or poor sensation, leading to feelings of numbness, disappointment, lack of interest, pain, and aversion to intercourse, storing these memories in the amygdala (the emotion-regulating system), further hindering the occurrence of orgasms.
The challenge of achieving vaginal orgasms stems from most women prioritizing emotional intimacy over sexual pleasure and less exploration of self-pleasure and masturbation. Orgasms in women also occur later than in men, and poor sexual function in partners greatly reduces the likelihood of experiencing vaginal orgasms. So, how can one experience a vaginal orgasm?
Consider that sexual pleasure is a skill not taught at any stage of growth, and acquiring knowledge and practice is necessary for experiencing orgasms. Due to the rich nerve supply and sensitivity of the vaginal entrance, the mysterious G-spot located near the upper third of the vagina, and other sensitive areas like the A-spot, C-spot, U spot, and P-spot, sensitivity varies among individuals, requiring personal exploration or assistance from a partner to find one's unique spots.
Now, let's move on to practical exercises for experiencing vaginal orgasms. Whether exploring alone or with a partner, acknowledge that sex is natural, liberate the mind, listen to needs, and ensure a relaxed state and okay relationship status.
1. Sweet flirting and foreplay: Bedroom activities are not about sprinting; avoid rushing into intercourse without flirting or foreplay to prevent hurting your partner. Engage in conversations, use flirtatious language or humor to relax her, and invite her for a romantic bath, massage, and a drink, believing that this will ease into more comfortable lovemaking.
2. Hugging, kissing, caressing her: Research shows that kissing reduces cortisol, the stress hormone, easing tension and enhancing sexual desire. After kissing, caress her body, including sensitive areas like the neck, ears, breasts, clitoris, and perineum.Thoughtful touches across her body can quickly immerse her in tenderness.
3. Using lubricants: Sometimes, her vagina may feel dry, especially in postmenopausal women. A considerate partner would warm lubricant in their hands before applying it to her private parts, remembering not to use cold lubricant directly. Lubricants can stimulate the genitals, enhancing libido and moistening the relationship.
4. Innovative lovemaking: Faithfulness is admirable, but don't stick to routines in lovemaking, which can turn pleasure into a chore. Changing locations, times, or methods can enhance sexual desire. Before making love, writing a love letter or having a candlelight dinner can create a romantic atmosphere, sparking her sexual interest in you.
5. Using sex toys for excitement: Sometimes, your lover needs more stimulation. Vibrating sex toys can save effort and satisfy women's needs, but don't neglect your "human functions": sweet nothings, the warmth of your fingers, and a strong embrace can all effectively heat up your sex life!
